I talk a lot. I also talk to many people, family, friends and strangers alike. Since doing makeup the coversation about how I got started always arises. What's interesting is that that initial coversation more often than not transends into one about dreams or having a dream. What ends up being concluded is that yes 'I have a dream', 'I wish things could be different', 'but I can't'.
We all have them do we not? But for whatever reason more often than not we stand in our own way. Why?
Is it society, is it us, both? Do we really fear failure, or going against what others expect of us enough to not follow our dreams? There are for sure many who don't let fear get in the way, but from what I've gathered there are so many more that do. Where or when does the fear start in relation to finding/doing something that you love? Do we close ourselves off from what could be possible or are there blinders that have been put in place so that we follow a certain way of life. Only to later come to the relization that we're unhappy...I don't have the answers, or the knowledge to change it but I do think there is something that's off somewhere's..In my personal experience I went to high school, it was about grade 10 I recall trying to figure what it is I wanted to do. Nothing really intrigued me, I feared not knowing. This overwhelming feeling of needing to know, needing to figure it out because I needed to go to University. I needed to go to University so I could get a job and pay to be a part of this world and experience it in comfort. So I went with Nursing. Out of fear. I was so unaware of what possibilites there actually might be. So as the later years of high school came and went, I stayed on that path of science, applied to the UofA, got in and Nursing is where I started.
Before even really starting, I knew it wasn't what I wanted, but I didn't know anything else, and to simply put it; it was University or nothing. I quickly realized in post secondary that nursing and many many other courses and classes were not for me. Aspects of each awesome, but I didn't feel passionate enough about any of it to make it a life choice. After a good 3 years of dabbling in University I spent the next 3 working in Call Centers. And que the quarter life crisis. The jobs were negative and left me in a more negative state of mind. And yet I couldn't break it. Friends told me to quit, I said and do what? And how? I needed the money, it was a good job and I had no idea of what else to do even, which is what made me feel rediculous. I felt abnormal, I should know by now.
In this world I grew up feeling like we need to get it together and you should know exactly what you want to do with your life. It felt like that's the norm; to know and I didn't. But in reality it's more often than not the opposite of that statement. Many of us grow up without knowing, with no idea and we fear that. We panic or make desicions based on what we think socitey wants from us. So many of us don't know what we want, why is there such a rush to figure it out?
I got fired from Pacific Blue Cross in Vancouver, BC, in 2009. Life forced me to change. And even so at the time I called one of my best friends crying asking what will I do now, her response was simple; you hated that job, everything happens for a reason. She was the person who reminded me of what a middle school teacher had said, which was; 'Shawnna you should be a makeup/hair artist because you like to talk while you work". I laughed when my friend suggested makeup, I remember thinking it's not possible and she in turn urged me to at the very least look into it.
I went home I googled and Blanche Macdonald came up. Two days after applying, January 18th 2010, Mary called and said she absolutely loved what I had written and urged me to come in and chat. She was such an inspiration to me her story was relatable, she too didn't get into makeup right off the bat. Mary made makeup sound possible in more ways that I would have thought of and I jumped.
Over the next 11 months my life changed drastically. I fell head over heels in love with makeup and understood why it just hadn't worked with anything else. The teachers and the friends I met/made in those classes helped me grow in more ways and beyond the words I have to express. I almost feel like I owe them my life, because I would have never known the type of happiness that I get to experience everytime I pick up a brush. Their support and patience I received throughout and ongoing is heart melting.
Art when growing up for me wasn't even an option or didn't seem to be. Wasn't a legit choice or was led to believe it just wasn't possible. Too hard, you'll fail. I was immensely fortunate, life doesn't always force the change. More often that not it needs to come from you. Fear is silly. We fear of being wrong, of failing. Why? We hear the dreams and wishes of many, only to later hear about so many have settled. I hope we don't settle. I hope we don't just follow suit and do what we think we should or what may be expected. I hope we try things, explore and fail.
Have you felt the ground before? I have, it's hard and leaves you with bruises and broken bones, but with time and patience we heal and life goes on.
The future is promised to no one. We have this one amazing life I hope you spend it doing something that you love.
xx
